No. Again. NO. I'm not knocked up.
But I do have several sweet friends who indeed have the proverbial bun in the oven. Every time I see them, with their gorgeous glows and growing bellies, I always smile and recall both of my pregnancy experiences. I was extremely lucky - minor morning sickness, one bout with moderate bed rest, and fairly easy labor and delivery. But then I also think about the pregnancy part. I read The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, and I felt like I knew everything. I mean, if Vicki Iovine is telling me about her pregnancy dreams causing orgasms, hello, what else do I need to know?
The truth is that I had a few friends who had kids and would relay only bits and pieces of their pregnancy experiences. I didn't really ask many questions because I didn't know what to ask or I was too embarrassed to ask. And they weren't proactively sharing details. Were they worried they would freak me out? It's not like I could stop this runaway train called "the birth of a child." Why all the pregnancy secrets?
As I chat with my currently knocked-up friends about their pregnancies and what they can expect, I often find myself holding back. Why? I'm worried I'm tampering with their first time as expectant moms because their experiences might be vastly different than mine. I want them to savor every moment of the goodness without tainting them with the possibilities of the badness. Let's face it - the questions always swirl around the badness...like how much everything hurts. You can't have eight pounds of baby rush through your crotch without any pain, ladies, so that shouldn't come as a surprise.
But maybe they won't feel like the baby is about to fall out when they go on walks during week 38. Maybe they won't want to rip the doors off their hinges while they writhe in pain from contractions. Maybe they won't want to have an epidural at three centimeters (because they can, you know.) Maybe they won't want to laugh and talk to their OB while their iPod plays a sweet mix of tunes in the background. Maybe they won't have a "heart-drops-to-the-pit-of-your-stomach-we-may-have-to-do-an emergency c-section" moment. Maybe they won't say twenty Hail Marys when the nurse asks them to poop the first time post delivery. Maybe their boobs won't sear with the pain as molten lava milk comes in. Maybe their babies will sleep through the night from the moment they come home from the hospital.
Maybe they won't. Maybe they will. But shhhh. Don't tell.
Mamas - do you hold back when expectant moms ask you about your pregnancy experiences? And pregnant mamas - how much do you really want to know?
